We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So. Much. Porn.
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