So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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