it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
