soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
