still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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