she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
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That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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