I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize