I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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