I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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