I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
