I met the friendliest cop last night
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You were trust falling into bushes
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize