Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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