So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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