i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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