Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
