:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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