her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
