Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
