the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
