we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
