I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
