I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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