Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
