Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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