You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize