Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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