I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
