I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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