we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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