one might say we're banned from that church
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
