Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize