Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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