There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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