I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
