i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
