You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
