I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just want nice things and good sex
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
