my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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