I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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