Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
