I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
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Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
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You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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