You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
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Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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