she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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