New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
