I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
