dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
