i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
