He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
