Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
