Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
