I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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