Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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