my mouth tastes like poor choices
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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