Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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