we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
