If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
