worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
