That's when you crack a 10am beer
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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