would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Randomize
