My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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