sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
