I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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